Mar 31, 2009

yessss i love strippers fuck!!1

I just think you should know that. fuck. im yelling, can u hear that in my type? good. strippers are awesome, they are better than jet skis. nothing is better than jet skis. yesterday was monday, did u know that dummy? yeah well it was. and its a good night to see strippers. i tel u this cuz its good information to have on hand. can u here me yelling? thats cuz im so psyched about my hangover and the GIANT hole in my wallet. and im not kidding, i am psyched about that shit because strippers are awesome and i get to think about them all day. they smell good and they put their boobs on your face and on mondays there are no other dudes there so u get all the good ones to urself. and guess what there are good ones out on monday night u dumb fucker. thats right. there was a nice meaty one from texas. she was 22, she smelled like febreeze and it was awesome. she had a big butt and it was awesome. she had a good face on too. her face was nice and awesome, she looked like alexis texas who also has a nice face and a big dumper is awesome. im still yelling. it's like a rude beligerent really loud talking type of yelling, tits fuck. also i drank alot, did i mention that? my knees are all sore. do ur knee joints get sore after drinking? well fuck off mine do, in fact im gonna go for a walk and do some squats cuz it makes them feel good. oh man, my boner is going away. bye

Mar 25, 2009

The Crying Hotline

U should see this for it is winning the day.

Kinda week that they couldnt get a number that spelled something. 900-SAD-FAGS comes to mind.

Mar 19, 2009

The Pains of Being Pure at Sucking

I keep seeing this band in reviews and lists and show lineups and under other circumstances this might pique enough interest to type their myspace URL and listen to 1 or 2 songs.

But their name is so god awful I won't, nay, can't do it. This faggotry should drive any self respecting music fan to the hills of Ugh Puke. The name congers Morrissey if he got raped and only played acoustic all ages shows.

What kind of self righteous poetry readers play in this band? If you have the audacity to choose such a phony bleeding heart bull shit how can I expect anything you play to be remotely good. The name tries to sound so honest and vulnerable, but anyone who would want this as name wouldn't use it cuz their Dads beat them so hard they've learned to pretend to not be such wimps. If they wanted to reveal all this crap through their name just go with "The Pain of Being Self Righteous Wussies".

Since I can't listen to them, maybe it's a massive pisstake I'm not in on and they play some awesome fuckit style indie punk-metal, well the joke goes too far. I can't handle it. You want an ironic pussy name for a not pussy band, go with Gay For Johnny Depp (swoon).

That last sentence was just an excuse to name drop those guys who are awesome and have one of the best band names evar.

Other awful names, tho I've listened to & like most of these
Iron and Wine (like him)
Bonnie "Prince" Billy (like alot, extra bad name tho)
Broken Social Scene (pretentious as fuck name, good 1st album)
The Boy Least Likey (worst of honorable mentions, don't like their music)

Feel free to ad to the list

Mar 16, 2009


Hacked sign on my block, saturday night. Gothamist says this been happen all over the city. That's all.

Mar 13, 2009

Tranny Gets hit by a truck

Has everyone seen this by now?

A group of Brazilian transvestites were on the street flashing their yucky, humping cars, and reminding the squares why their lifestyle is unworthy of legal recognition protesting for equal rights. Then there is a terrible accident.

Beware, this is a total bummer, you'll feel bad all day. Because they just want the public to see transvestites are respectable members of society deserving of the rights granted all free peoples. Sadly in this peaceful attempt one brave soul intolerant jerk fucks their shit up.

Moral? Don't block traffic on pizza night in the barrio.

Mar 10, 2009

What does 1 trillion dollar$ look like?

I was at the airport one time and a UPS guy right in front of me put a shrink wrapped cube of $100 bills in the metal detector. It was about 8 ft^3, or 2ft x 2ft x 2ft, like the size of a 24" TV ok? Well I nearly shat. In fact I did, just a tiny little nugget of woah in my briefs.

Anyhow dude put it down on a hand truck and went into some special door. It was fucking baffling, I figured they've got better ways of doing this, fax? But if the US mail was good enough for Harry Winston's Hope Diamond I guess UPS works fine for a measly stack of benjamins. At the time I could never guess the value, but based on the pictures below I'd say about $10 million.

Anyway here's a really neat post hijacked from this place

$1 Benjamin = 100

$10,000 = 10 Thousand

$1,000,000 = 1 Million

$100,000,000 = 100 Million

$1,000,000,000 = 1 Billion

wait for it...

$1,000,000,000,000 = 1 Trillion:

TARP is really big.

Mar 4, 2009

If you're fucking bear proof

then you also better fucking be ninja proof if this negro ursine sneaks up on you. My uncle was bear proof but without ninja skillz now he's deathed.

ninja cat here if ur behind da timez


Mar 2, 2009


This video = awesome. Fat people for the wynn!

After wiping away the tears of lol, I needed to find the correct spelling of Ryu's catchphrase for this post; devil's in the details fuckers. Anyhow I went to Ryu's extensive wikipedia page, at the bottom of which is a link to this faggotry. It's a 4 day feature article from entitled "The top 25 Street Fighter Characters of All Time". When you think your job is the suck, be happy ur not responsible for this utter garbage:

"Ryu is a guy who goes out and fights other guys because he wants to get stronger and fight even stronger guys. There might not be the steadiest paycheck in it, but you could do a lot worse for a direction in life."

Right on D.F. Smith, there could be a worse direction in life, if only I could help you think of one...