Dec 22, 2008

Teenage Mutant Ninja Poodle - Poodle Power!

I feel a bit guilty about my last post. Penis humor of any kind is pretty base. Still the chart says "orientals" that alone is worth posting. In fact if you have any other scientific charts that say Orientals, please send them hither for immediate postitude and a free chewy granola bar.

Moving on to higher minded content, I present you with this ri-dog-ulous nonsense.
A poodle groomed and dyed to look like Donatello, of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

Look at that bitch (rim shot) isn't she chuffed. There are more white trash retarded poodle haircuts here at Joshua Bearman's blog, where I stole this shit from.

Black people win (duh)

A very scientific chart for avg weiner by race. Apparently there are only 3 races. I bet the Indians and the chinese are fighting over this right now. I just hope the Arabs don't get thrown in with us white folk. I don't like Arabs or their stupid dicks.

More dick size facts at this very reputable site

Dec 18, 2008

XKCD guide to understanding flow charts presented in flow chart form

Funny flow charts are def the haps. It's nothing new, that bacon flow chart has been around a while, and my attempt at a funny flow chart came out all right. XKCD has one today. He's the smartest funny guy ever invented. I don't get half his comics because I am not a former NASA physicist (which he actually is for real) but the ones I get are awesome and astoundingly clever. Check it.

Dec 17, 2008

Wrong Tina Turner! We do need another hero...

...and I've got 2 of them right here. Precious Taft and Michelle Sutlovich on Stairway to Stardom in 1982 and '83 on NYC public access.

Unfortunately I was not watching public access until '86, when my neighbor John showed me Robyn Bird on the J channel. Had I been old enough to appreciate more than Robyn's and her naked friends singing "Baby Let Me Bang You Box"; I would be a better 30 yr old man-child than I am today.

Dec 16, 2008

Fleetwood Mac - Stevie is hotter than that 6.5 posted on SC&TVB

Stevie Nicks came up today on Street Carnage, and I had alot to say about her. Gavin compared some avg hipsterish broad to my favorite 70s wiccan priestess fox.

FM have't been on this blag yet cuz it's still new , and cuz Woody has found every cool clip and reference to them ever. Since half the people who read this crap are friends of ours, I dint wanna grab his shit. I only plagiarize the Associated Press.

I had a hard time deciding which clip would better prove my point, so I posted both. They are both live versions of Rhiannon. She goes for broke on the last verse, check out the end parts.

UPDATE: As of 11:25pm I've decided: Video 1 is better quality and Stevie's hair is hotter. Video 2 is a different arrangement of the song and Stevie is more bad ass at the end.

Below is the same song, different show. I wish there was a good clip of The Chain.

Dec 12, 2008

Mommy I want to cum out!

Your baby is like a giant cock dildo. Literally. You can fuck yourself, with your baby.

Step 1 get knocked up
Step 2 watch this movie
Step 3 fuck your vagina using your slimy unborn child as a dildo

Don't worry, it's endorsed by new age people.

Who's hungry for babies?

Dec 11, 2008

Dec 10, 2008

Ursus Arctos playing Ice Hockey

Bears fuck shit up. I love how tiny their feet look in the skates.

Yes this is real.


Dec 9, 2008

Closeted gai Mayor reviews film about 1st openly gey "Mayor"

Not that anyone cares but Ed Koch has a review of Milk in the Villager newspaper (does anyone besides me read it?). Anyway I find it amusing that our favorite "secretly" gei Mayor and all around mensch Ed Koch, is reviewing the movie about San Fransico's 1st Gey "mayor".

Actually Milk was never mayor, nor did he run. But he was a city councilman and mayor for 1 day while the real mayor was on vacation. However he was called the Mayor of the Castro. Apparently that is the neighborhood where all the fagelas hang out. He might have been mayor but some dick head went and shot him. All the info in this paragraph courtesy of Wikipedia.

If you care to read Koch's review click HERE


Dec 8, 2008

the best naugthy girls underwear ever invented evar

ugh. I just died.

They have a store in soho. You should go into it, it's awesome I get a boner just walking by. Clicky for link to their site. Gold plated handcuff and dildo set? Yes mistress.

EDIT: On the bottom picture, notice how u can see that strap on her inner ass cheek behind the pussy region. That is a killer angle. I love bums.

Dec 5, 2008

Amazon Reviews for: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

So this is a classic internet meme that somehow alot of people still don't know about. sells milk online, which is r3tarded. Way back yonder in 2005 someone reviewed the milk and as of today 1,006 more people have submitted their reviews to hilarious effect.

Here's one of my fav reviews, click for big:

It's out of stock now, sad face emoticon


Dec 1, 2008

I would rape this man...

Since rape is really about hate & control, not sex, I will personally "control" all the god awful mother fuckers on this site. There are too many to post, but here's a few that will make u want to pee in your own eyes.

Russian men under 40 are the worst people evar invented.

OMG better than turkey!

Some dumb fuck crashed a Lamborghini in front of my parents house the day after Thanksgiving! Fucking awesome! This dummy came around a corner, did a full 180 and ran backwards up a little slope into a big fatty tree! Ever since they repaved our road numb-skulls with sports cars like to speed down on it cuz it's all curvy and shit.

What a fuckwad right! Hilarious! The dude, and his 17 yr old son (who wasn't driving. yeah right) weren't hurt. But they're $275,000 car was! Oh shit fuck! Seriously this was awesome. I was out there laughing with all the cops (oink-oink) at this asshat wearing douche-tarded snot covered cunt bat. I bet this was his last glory ride before putting this hoopty on the market after losing his jerb at citi-bank or whatever. To the poor house for you Lamborghini man!

Lookit the pictures that I have included which are pictures of this event images.

Nov 26, 2008

DIY Blue Album

B3ta had a make ur own version of an album cover contest. I dint see the rule about no photoshop, so I got made fun of. Anyway I have nothing else to post so here's this thing.

a better use of your time would be re-watching the post below

Nov 24, 2008

Unreal boobcicles

They have butts where their breasts should be! Awesome.

Nov 21, 2008

Spider Email

Brian, my best pal just sent this to me. It's awesome. I'm still sick, go to fuck. Click picture for reading time.

Nov 20, 2008

I'm Sick

bring soup

Nov 18, 2008

Westboro Baptist Church

If you're not up on the WBC then the amazing picture below should give you good reason. Their website is funny for infinity and on. They do some srsly fucked up shit, like protest Iraq war funerals with hate signs. But take a look thru their Gallery of Sings and you'll find beauties like this:

What's the URL for their Church? Duh:

thank god for infomercials...

and thank god for people posting infomercials on youtube

You think they got a patent for wearing a robe backwards?


Vegas Flowchart that I makeded for people

In need of content to keep this 2 week old blerg alive I'm throwing this up even though half of the 11 people who read this place have seen it. For the other 5.5 of you I present the "Should I go to Vegas" flowchart made by non other than... ME fuckers. Duh.

Oh and 5.5 of you should know this was an invite to a vegas trip I planned. Vegas rocked... hard.

Nov 13, 2008

Nov 12, 2008

the impending zombie apocalypse...

Survival quiz. These internet quizzes are usually gayer than a a volkswagen beetle with an Apple mac sticker. But this one is cool, more like a people with a jeep and a bacon license plate style quiz.

I didn't do so well on it. Personally I think I have better than a 35% chance of survival since a significant question, "have you seen more than 10 zombie movies", wasn't in the quiz.

take the quiz (it's not totally gei)):


Nov 10, 2008

the Heartless Bastards

If having a really cool name was all it took to make me like a band, then the Heartless Bastards would already be on my list. But I also happen to like their songs.

It's been hard for me to find new bands to like. I keep listening to the old standbys and the 4 or so albums from this summer that I liked. But I need something for the winter. These guys are wintery. I don't know what that means. Maybe they smell like pine Anyway here's a video for one of their songs. I like them so should you.

Serge fucking Gainsbourg

A drunk Serge Gainsbourg tells a young Whitney Houston he wants to fuck her. On live tv. Stunning!

Click the picture

Nov 6, 2008

Le Pequeña!

He (She, it?) is a genius. I first found his her it's videos back in January when he she it had this video mocking some spanish pop song. Well Pequeña has gone political and is officially C-list on youtube (400 subscribers more than me, fuckin betch).

Anyway this is my current fav of his hers its; material's a little dated I didnt have a blog until a few days ago. So here's a post I would have posted back during the Democratic primary. Enjoy!

and here's a more recent post: La Pequeña Sarah Palin

Nov 3, 2008


I don't really know what this is. But it's sciencey and nerdy and pretty and I want one. But it's 300 for the cheap one. Anyway, neat.

Nerds can click the picture below for a look see.

Little Big Planet is having sex with my mind!!!

This game is pumping my cooch, the cooch of my mind that is. If you don't know what this is, it's the reason I don't want to leave my house anymore. It's incredible. It's not a video game, it's a... some sort of thing. It's cute and fucking hilarious and brilliant and fun. It's like art and a movie and a doll house and a video game all at once. This alone is reason enough to get a ps3. Yes, I really am as giddy as I sound.

The graphics really are that good, and you really can build all that stuff and it really is as fun as it looks. I made a character with a denim body and he wears a cardboard mask that I painted with a hamburger sticker and then I stapled on googly eyes, a big a plastic nose and a floppy tongue! Awesome!


Oct 30, 2008

Furst Post!

It's probably bad to start a new blog with a post like this. But since no one is reading it, go team!

A fantasy fulfilled: A Hardcore Simpsons porn :

I posted this one cuz it's the least disturbing. Click the image if you need a dose of nausea