Apr 20, 2009

Susan eFing Boyle?

This weekend I heard this woman's name mentioned on the radio a bunch of times and over heard it in conversations on the street etc. What I have gathered is that she's a contestant on American Idol and that she's really ugly and a virgin and old. I guess everybody loves old virgins and they're pulling for her to win. Needless to say I don't watch American Idol.

Now I could be entirely wrong because I inferred all of the above from hearsay and radio clips, but anyway Huff Post has a funny rundown by Sarah Walker. I never read the HP but maybe I'll start.

"My Susan Boyle Fears"
As Susan Boyle's stardom catapults to unknown and unimaginable heights, here is what I fear for the future:

* The phrase, "He/She is no Susan Boyle" referring to the next unattractive person who competes on a reality show who doesn't have her talent.

* Alternately, the phrase, "Pulling a Boyle" if someone is unattractive and surprises people by succeeding at something.

* People yelling at me for calling Susan Boyle unattractive.

* The Susan Boyle Movie (Working title: "I Dreamed a Dream") with Susan Boyle played by Hollywood Actress Anne Hathaway in heavy makeup.

* The interviews with Anne Hathaway detailing her weight gain to play the role of Susan Boyle. (Anne Hathaway loves ice cream!)

* The woman's magazine articles explaining Anne Hathaway's Ways To Lose Weight (And Fast!). (No more ice cream!)

* Anne Hathaway's tearful Oscar speech when she wins Best Actress for her role as YouTube Singing Sensation Susan Boyle in "I Dreamed a Dream." (She could have never done it without Susan Boyle).

* Anne Hathaway calling Susan Boyle on stage with her during her acceptance speech. (I do look forward to Susan Boyle saying something charming and Scottish).

* Anne Hathaway/Susan Boyle duet at the Oscar ceremony with Sting as surprise guest.

* The Susan Boyle Halloween costumes.

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