Jan 29, 2009


I really didn't want to do another lecherous brah dude post, but omg this must be shared with the earths. These pictures are too much. I know what girls are saying it's all make-up, bronzer, and photoshop. Whatever, it makes my penis throw up milk. I promise no more drool posts.

Sauce here

Jan 28, 2009

PG Porn - Sasha Grey

I guess once in a while SpikeTV does something amazing. Frat Brah humor + Sasha Grey = Winrar!

Pamela Anderson Flashback

You know her high school boy friend had 2COOL vanity plates on his Firebird, anything less would be plane rong.

Steak for Retards

As a follow up to a previous brilliant post I thought I'd just throw this link down. Tho I already explained it this recipe link has cute illustrations and... wait for it... bullet points! Go here for learning fools

Jan 26, 2009

Carlton is not to be fucked with

When you got real friends they send you real shit. Git some...

thx to Jon

how to

Jan 22, 2009

Apparently this is not a joke...

I'm speechless. I am without speech.


the original comic

Jan 21, 2009

the Anti-Semetic Orangutan Axiom

If you chained an immortal Orangutan to a keyboard he will eventually type "Jews did 911"

Jan 20, 2009

Trying to throw up a cannonball

Here's a brief article on how summing up all that was wrong with the Bush administration is as impossible as puking a a large heavy object. It's a quick read, below is from Patrick Farley's article (blog entry really).

"Trying to explain what was wrong with the Bush Era feels like trying to vomit up a cannonball. I don't think my jaw can stretch that wide.

Seriously, where does one even begin? Abu Ghraib? Ahmed Chalabi? Mission Accomplished? The "Battle of Iraq?" Valerie Plame? No-bid contracts? The billions of dollars the Pentagon can't account for, and apparently never will? The Department of Justice firings? The blue Iraqi flag? The staged press conference? The fake Thanksgiving turkey? Terry Schiavo? Freedom Fries?

I can at least say this for Bush: he *didn't* plant any WMDs in Iraq.

But really, Bush himself wasn't the problem. Bush was a cipher, the perfect vacuum at the center of a perfect storm -- an ideological superstorm which rotated, like some slow, sick, wobbling hurricane of raw sewage over America for 8 years, like some brown, shitty version of Jupiter's Great Red Spot. This Neo-Conservative Superstorm, as I'll call it, had three major sources of energy feeding it:

a) a panicked population in need of a Protective Patriarch,

b) a Republican party crowded with brazen and reckless ideologues,

and most significantly:

c) A network of Conservative Think Tanks with deep pockets and a fearsomely coordinated army of media pundits."

Go here for the rest.

found on BoingBoing

Jan 15, 2009

Radical Islamic Birds crash plane in NYC

Radical Islamic Sea Gulls crash US Airways Flight 1549. A flock of suicide birds calling themselves Gulls for the Jihad have claimed responsibility for the crash.

The following press release is being circulated by the Associated Press:

The UN is calling for negotiations but enraged citizens world wide are gathering around piers armed with homemade sardines stuffed with Alka Seltzer tablets.


Jan 14, 2009

Am I not a man, brother?

Look, I'm no burly man type man. Ferchristsakes I'm an epileptic Jew from Manhattan. I can't drive a stick shift and can't really throw a football. But a real man still I am. Because there are other basic man things that you can know or do that make u certifiable. Let's delve deeper...

The only way of being a man is to have girls think of you as a man. It's intangible in a girls mind so you can't know for yourself, there is no man-dar. But by using your powers of deductive reasoning you can figure out how she feels, even if she won't divulge it. Here's a good method: You're laying in bed, watching Future Weapons or ATHF or Wings of the Luftwaffe, any shit a girl has no interest in. So you're watching your show and she's curled up on you head on your chest (muscular or flabby, hairy or bare, it doesn't matter) and she's not complaining about your show. She's bored to tears but it doesn't matter cuz her inner little girl is safe. She's just glad you're there. You know some man shit or did some man shit, so you deserve to control the remote. When the zombie apocalypse comes, she's definitely gonna call you first. Mazel tov you're a Man!

Take Woody Allen, whom I love but is further from manly as an insert metaphor. But he can get up on stage and be funny and bare his miserable soul. Balls that's all it takes him. He scored Mia Farrow AND her daughter. That's some man shit. So let's take you. You're a balding ectomorph with stage fright and clammy hands that can't throw or drive stick, oh and you're asthmatic.

The informational chart below will at least assure that the "Cooks meat" box is checked in "Man or Pussy" checklist. If Nate Silver were to assign weight to this item on the man spectrum, he'd give an 82. Which is equivalent to the importance of Pennsylvania going blue . If you're straight and you keep a live journal page or have an asymmetrical haircut, you should definitely bone up on this knowledge. It's easier than learning how to sail, and more convenient than driving stick.

So when she suggests the "let's cook dinner at home this Wednesday night", use this. It's way moar better than breaking out you're stupid chili recipe. Bitches see right through that crap, it's written on the goddamn McCormick seasoning package.

Get a cast iron pan, a rib eye, throw the pan in the oven, 500f, oil salt pepper, sear flip sear, 90 seconds, flip 90 seconds. Eat. She's totally wet for you, if not she's a vegan and you've got more problems than I can ever help you with.

I'll try and post more of this shit. Aside from the throwing and the stick shift thing I have also own a chihuahua and don't know what a carburetor is. But I'm doing well.

You're Lawrence Welkome fuckers:


Jan 13, 2009

You David Mamet shall be forged, nay, cast in gold!

Since everyone else posts their oh so funny IMs on their wee blogs I've jumped on le chariot de bande too. So here's Woody telling me to listen to Pulp (who i never got into). The last 4 lines are Mamet worthy dialogue.

Me: why is tumblr good?

Me: is it easier than blogger?

Woody Fu: yes

Woody Fu: well...

Woody Fu: its easier to update for the average dumb dumb

Me: bloggers pretty retard proof

Woody: its laid out in such a way that it encourages constant meaningless updating

Me: i see

Me: im trying it now

Woody: also I realized a good song to listen to

Woody: while we were driving around singing the pixies

Woody: would have been "monday morning" by pulp

Me: i listened to them a bit

Me: still didnt get it

Me: by a bt i mean like 5 mins

Me: so it will need more investigation

Woody: sooo good

Woody: search "pulp" on my blog

Woody: and DL those songs

Woody: you're golden

Woody: you will be forged of gold

Me: gold is usually cast

Woody Fu: fine

Woody Fu: you will be cast in gold

Where was I on Oct 8th and each night thereafter...

until "How to lose friends and alien..." was in theaters? Was this movie good? Did anyone see it? It's got that awesome british dude and this Megan Fox chick who just made me have sex with my own peehole. God, blonde hair is the most overrated invention since infinity years ago.


Jan 9, 2009

The Bronx eat welll.

I been listening to the 2006 Bronx album everyday on the way back from work. Anyway found this on their blog (yeah i have a man crush so what fuckhat).

I dunno which tab is which but whoever is on the right rolls hard.

The internet has everything...

Jan 6, 2009

Roller Disco

Looking for the original Armand Van Helden version of this song I came across this amazing video and remix made by some dude. It is fucking bonkers. These are those last hangers on of rollerskate dancing which I think is long over due for a come back. I know there are still black people with airbrushed jeans that do it. But what about the rest of us that aren't in the back of Usher videos? It looks so rad! Check out his mid 90's home video editing. Magic rainbow!

Plus he didn't fuck up the song too bad.

Golden Doorknob's Flying Whores

Found it! I can quit the rat race, job race, life race, etc race. I have my genius get rich quick plan, and it isn't selling those electric fly swatters I found in China (green light pending).

Skydiving whores! I am opening the first whore house in the sky, and I'm not talking about the Arab kind with the 72 virgins. *ZING*

$5 thousand US dollars will get you a whore, a parachute, and an airplane. The sex part is between u and that godless strumpet. I'm a people person baby, I only facilitate. I don't axe no questions, but still get a cut of that bitches cheese. Wait, why am I telling u the secret knowledges of my genius brain mind rhetorical question? Fuck.

Anyway check it...

Lookit Phil, my first customer. Check out his pecker! It's rock hard! I been went skydiving once, and, against the recommended long pants and jumpsuit I wore shorts and a sweatshirt. It was fucking freeeeezing! But 10,000 feet isn't cold when you have 2 wayward foxes with their amazing inverted flapping tits. Yo if the air pressure can make their boobs do that and Phil's dils is still standing up (down?), you know he's a happy jon.


Jan 5, 2009

Souljah Boy got his shit took...

Souljah Boys house got robbed. Which is whatever. But then the doods who did it went on youtube and told everyone. You already got watches and chains? What more do you need? Also, they shot Tupac.

Run your Northface son!

How to drop comment ownage

This is the best troll response in the internet. I know because I invented it:

Commenter X: You're so stupid. I bet you're fat and have a tiny dick. Get a life L00s3r.

Commenter Y (You): @ Commenter X
The square roots of integers, that are not perfect squares are always irrational numbers. Meaning they are numbers not expressible as a ratio of two integers. For example, √2 cannot be written exactly as m/n, where n and m are integers. Nonetheless, it is exactly the length of the diagonal of a square with side length 1.

An Hero...

is diong it rong