Feb 26, 2009

Hot Cross Buns

When you keep a blog of mean spirited humor, links to youtubes starring mental patients, and your occasional snobby music review, remember to save a little space for foxy hotness. Your blag is incomplete without it. Everyone's a motherfucking taste maker, but if you get a boner, once in a while you got to share.

Here's some hot fire in heels with a great rear, baby oiled legs in the about to take off my shirt pose. She reminds me of a really sexy girl who lived across the street from me. I caught her a couple times with the blinds open. (I have binoculars, but it's 4 lanes and a median so, you know). Anyway the first time she was trying on different underwear in the mirror so I guess she had been shopping. I was in awestruck. Truly, I had never thought about that. When girls are getting sexy dressed up they have to make sure it looks right. Duh! But it was an absolute revelation, like when I was 25 and realized that I always have the ingredients for french toast, but never think to make it. Amirite?

Anyhow, the most memorable part was when she started putting on different bras in the mirror and lifting her shirt, I guess to see if it matched? Stunning. I actually never got to see her boobs or anything cuz she had to turn around to reach for the each item before putting it on. But it was still the hottest thing I saw out that window. Plus she had one of those sexy backs, even tho I never saw her bum. After about 25 minutes of watching this, a dude showed up just a minute after she finally chose something. Lucky fucker, I hope he stubs his toe really really bad.

Now she's moved out and there's a new girl there. I've seen this one fully naked on a number of occasions. She's way too skinny, has kinda ratty hair and have that jun-uh-say-kwa. One time she was dancing around like an epileptic mental case without a shred of clothes. It was super entertaining but not so much a boner moment, even tho there was boobs and all.

Alas this picture reminds me of my first across the street girl, fare thee well maiden of apt 3G on the north side of Houston st. You will forever reside in my spank bank.

pic sauce

Feb 25, 2009

Xoopit is a delicious fried radichio in spicy butter awesomesauce

This is a new (to me) site that I've recently found. I just redundantly said the same thing twice. Stupid idiot. lemme get back on course. It's a free site that works with your gmail and archive's all your pictures, videos, and attachments.

Xoopit then presents them all online in thumbnail format similar to flickr or iphoto. The data still lives in your Gmail, it's just organized by xoopit. The archived stuff includes all the linked pictures or videos you ever sent or received. So that star wars kid video from 2005 is in there somewhere and appears as a thumbnail even tho it's not an attachment. The same goes for pictures that from someone's flickr account.

You can search by date, sender, or just browse thru all your old stuff. You can also configure it so that it only includes certain people or if you don't want it to include certain file types. The first screen shot on the right is scroll bar on top of your inbox, which itself is shrinkable. The 2nd screen shot is the full drop down which covering open inbox, but has not taken me away from the page. It smoothly shrinks back up leaving whatever I was doing on gmail un changed. The look and animation looks and feels alot like flickr or iphoto.

I've got 1.5 gigs of stuff my Gmail since mid 2004, early beta tester son. So the flyer Tova made for my 25th, which I probably don't have on my hard drive, appears in archived gallery. I'm finding all this from the drop down menu you see in the 2nd screen shot. If I hover over the photo I can choose to fwd it without having to find the original photo. I can also dload or delete from that menu.

The best thing about gmail is the search ability and the never having to delete anything. But if I don't remember when or to whom I sent a picture, and I can't think of a keyword for in that email, I'm fucked. I've got 9,444 emails in my archive right now so I'm not gonna just go poking around for it.

I know the smarter people reading this are gonna be concerned about ownership and security. Xoopit clearly states they do not own nor can they use your content. And you can tell it to exclude certain people or file types from the archive. I could worry more about the security but I don't think I've got scans of my tax return, SS# and borth certificate in there. At some point they might monetize the thing, or hopefully sell it to google who'll keep it free. But for now it costs the same as air.

Everyone should try it out. You have to sign up for the xoopit account and then dload the firefox add-on if you want to be able to work from your gmail page. It also works with yahoo, if you're still using that beast.

I got such a boner for this thing. The only thing I should mention is that it is taking along time to archive my stuff. So far it's only back to late 2007, but in a few days It'll be done.

Yay for the future!!!!!1

EDIT: I deleted this cuz I got scared of someone seeing my PDF bank statements

Feb 24, 2009

America's Next Top Progeria Idol

It's a mutant form of the kids from Christmas story, or some kind of Progeria disease. Maybe he's an ugly Benjamin button? Anyway it's great. Voice of an angel.

Feb 20, 2009

Dunrite Brand Win

For the bums in NY who think they'll get my greenbacks with their oh so cute "need money for beer" signs. This guy's game is tight, step it up son.

Sleeps on his stomach so he don't fuck up the sheets. nah mean?

Feb 19, 2009

Radikal Islamik Monkey Killed in Kopykat Krime not Honor Killing

Last Thursday a well intentioned Mo Hassan:

Chops off the head of his wife, Aasiya Hassan:

Which Police say may have not have been a good old fashioned honor killing .

Then a week later Travis the Simian:

Chews rips off the hands and of Charla Nash:

who called 911 (yikes). There is no evidence Travis ever said “I will cast a dread into the hearts of the unbelievers. Therefore strike off their heads, and strike off all the ends of their fingers”.

Oh and then some guy drew this:

It's been a tough week for Monkey's, Wives, Islam, Cartoons, Hands and Faces.

Feb 18, 2009

Fish Tank Fire at Tracy Morgan's Apt Ruins 30 Rock Wifey's Wigs

I thought this was a hoax, but no. Tracy Morgan's fish tank caught on fire thus setting off sprinklers in his neighbors apartment. His neighbor is the same lady as his wife on 30 rock and she's also the one on the View who said the Earf is flat. She has lots of wigs. Wigs are invulnerable to sprinkler water. Sherri has a r3tard of a kid (I bet he's fat) who, sangfroid in the face of the inferno, went and saved said wigs.

Out of all this wackiness I came up with a new interpretation of Hempel's Paradox. All fish are waterproof. All water is fire proof. Things that don't live in water are not fish. Tracey Morgan is a water proof Raven.

Thanks to gothamist for keeping me in the know. Go to Gawker to check out Sherri Shepard's video talking about near wig death experience. (Gawker and Gothamist are friends?)

Feb 13, 2009

Norm MacDonald on Conan as Capt. Sully

Norm Play Sully Sullenbergerer, disses Conan and then shows us that Graham Norton is a mega fucktard cast from AIDS and fail.

Here's the interview:

Here's the Graham part:

Moar Norm here on videogum

733T Grandma iz in ur base killin all ur doodz

Feb 11, 2009

4th grade boner

If I was in 4th grade watching this I would plop faint. The volume of blood being being drawn to my weiner would drain my brain mind. But watching this makes me wish I could do it.

I did jump out a plane in college. I'm scared as shit to do it again but a pack of wimps can get voltron strength, plus it ends up being fun!!!!111one. Anyone wanna go? It's crazy mindblowing and requires zero real life skills, which I'm sure you have lots of. It's super easy, there's only 3 steps

1. Pay some wacko $200 to climb on your back
2. Accept the high deth factor of risk
3. A second after step 2 it's too late so enjoy

It's the same 3 steps to getting butthurt from a man hooker. Except hitting the ground at terminal velocity is better than AIDS dying.

wingsuit base jumping from Ali on Vimeo.

Sometimes No means Yes

Tho only thing that stops me from rage fisting my monitor is the knowledge that this whore's boyfriend beats her. Hard.

Feb 6, 2009

T. Rex is Good for Fucking

I just started listening to T. Rex and found out they are awesome. Not just those couple songs you know from being drunk in a dude bar. But all the way around radical. Last night I did some sexing with the Electric Warrior album on shuffle. It was pretty great. It's also great for driving also as well too redundant the same. Now that I think about it good driving albums make for good fucking albums. Woh lookit me drawing conclusions and whatnot and shit and etc!

World War Food!!!11one

this is fucking great

Feb 5, 2009

I don't wash my calves.

I am dismayed to find that neglecting to apply soap to my calves whilst in the shower distresses my peers. It has been asserted by these goodly folk that the calves require as much sanitary attention as the remainder of mine vessel. But I argue that it is sufficient to allow soap suds from my well lathered nether regions to run down my calves, cleansing that supple flesh.

Lest you're an archaeologist searching for lost scrolls in Qumran dressed in olive drab short pants, how much filth can your calves acquire? It is my conclusion that anywhere below the thighs and above the socks is as clean as the Queen's fine china, and it's an economical use of the soap. Though a Queen doesn't need to be frugal. She has vats of pillaged gold coins she's takes from her subjects.

How can these "friends" of mine be so distraught over the cleanliness of my fibula while the aristocracy tear babes from their mother's breast to spit roast them at their bacchanalian feasts! That is an atrocity to be distressed about. That is something that needs to be cleansed, washed away from this wretched earth! Kill the Queen and stone her children, let her eat cake! Eat the rich fuck their dogs! Hurrah hurrah!

You don't need to wash your calves, cuz they don't get dirty.

Feb 4, 2009

Need Unicorns?

Rainbows and unicorns are like douche for teh head. They wash away all the dirt and filth that accumulates in ur brain mind after multiple internet usings. So wash away your goatse
thoughts with teh best thing evar the Cornify button

Feb 2, 2009


As of 2:29pm on February 2nd the highest bid for Jenny's phone number is $5,061 on ebay. Apparently she lives in Jersey. Radical.

UPDATE: on Feb 6th $369,100 american states dollars is the highest bid